The Rest of the Story

A couple of nights ago I had the opportunity to share with a small gathering of ladies who are participating in a few week creative class that a couple of friends and I put together.  As I was sharing, I knew something was missing from what I had prepped and later realized that one small section of my notes had been overlooked.  I am putting it in writing (with some more of the details since I have time) so I can give it to them at our next class, but also thought it was worth sharing it as one of my daily writings, so here it is…

By the time I was nine or ten, I was fascinated with the beauty around me.  Star-filled skies, butterflies, the strong maple tree in my backyard, the variety of creation with its giraffes, roses, lightning bugs, strawberries, peaches, and watermelons.  Then there is chocolate, and children’s laughter. 

I had heard about God since I was small, and had attended church and Vacation Bible School and made little popsicle stick figures of Bible personalities with small scraps of fabric and crayons and cotton balls.  But if what I was learning about Him was true, if there was the possibility that that same God had made the galaxies and variety of animals and fruits and people around me, and if there was a chance that He was interested in me and would care for me and guide me and work in my life, then there was no way I wanted to miss the chance to see what He might do with my small life and my timid personality.  How good could it get?

And so I started to try it out.  Now granted, there are a lot of bad things that happen in the world, and some difficult things that have happened in my life, and some disappointing things that have happened in the church.  I still had a lot to learn about His decision to give humans free will and about the battle that has raged with an enemy who wants to take us out from knowing God’s immense love.  We’ve been told so many lies along the way.  But I also didn’t want a God that I had to just get cleaned up for and who only worked if I could live without mistakes.  I wanted to see if there was a grace-flowing one who desired to pour out His goodness and strength to help me through the reality of my life. 

I am not interested in playing church.  I am not interested in just knowing about God.  I want to know Him and be able to see His presence and power in every day of my life.  I am not interested in just having a good belief system if it doesn’t unfold its power to impact me in daily life, and to enable me to live in some kind of victory and with a foundation of truth and joy.  If Jesus’s only aim is to get me to sit in church then go about the rest of the week doing the best that I can, then I’m not really interested.  

I wanted to see if there was a God who would truly do something with my life, whatever challenges and obstacles it held, who would help through some significant needs, who would guide as I tried to know Him and follow in doing what He said and did and lead me to.  Would He come through?  Would He teach me?  I wasn’t going to pass up the chance to see, but I realized that it wouldn’t be revealed if I wasn’t ready to dive in and dig deep.  (Although I also found that He never expects us to do anything other than start from where we are and just walk one step at a time.)

Here is some of what I’ve discovered…

I am deeply loved.

He enjoys my company.

He never expects me to be God, but to believe that He is and to just do the part He is asking of me.

His provision is sure, though it is about relationship and “winning the lottery” isn’t how He will normally provide.  He wants me to trust Him day by day for what I need. 

The creation pulses with His activity and He can teach me to see a whole lot of what I had formerly missed.

He weaves things and events and people together in the most remarkable ways.  Even this morning, I came across a little library discard book that has been in my possession for almost 30 years.  It came at exactly the time that it will be useful for a project I am in the midst of.  That kind of thing happens to me all the time.

I can’t really find all this treasure without participating in the adventure.  He doesn’t want me to be a stowaway hiding at the bottom of the ship of life just to eventually get somewhere later when the boat lands and I can scramble up there.  He wants me to know what He has going on at every part of it along the way, to help hoist a sail to get somewhere and to watch as His Spirit fills the sail.

I can’t find He is trustworthy unless I try it out and take a chance.

I can’t find His provision if I don’t ask Him and start trying what He says and then seeing what He will do with my small offerings.

I can’t know His power if I try to keep making it all work without Him.

The shock of my life, and one of a handful of most defining moments for me was years into my experiment of belief, at a Women’s Conference, when there was a call to respond to the Lord.  I told God that I wanted to be able to respond to Him more, but didn’t know how to do more than I was, “If there is somewhere you want me to go, I don’t know how to get there; will You show me?”  And His amazing response was this:  “Come play with Me.” 

I had no idea that God so wanted to just enjoy my company.  The look of His delight I glimpsed in that image that day ruined me forever for anything less than letting Him have all the room He wants.  It’s been a process, for trust has to be built and truth needs to be learned.  But He has been faithful in more things than I could ever recount, provided in the most unexpected ways, gotten me through waters that seemed impossible to navigate. 

He is an astonishingly good God.  I could want nothing more than that you would give Him a try.  You don’t have to do it perfectly.  Just begin by giving Him a little room, get a Bible in your hands and start reading some of it every day, and look around at the world and notice the beauty again.  Be a little quiet and see what begins to stir in your heart.