Life Together

Today I want to wish my husband a very Happy Birthday! And I’d like to share a little about marriage, since it is the main context in which I know this man.

On our 20^th anniversary, John made the comment that we’d had 20 years of excruciating bliss.  I’ve always thought it was a humorous and honest description of marriage (ours, at

least).  (Have you noticed that it’s not always easy living together?)  Last week we realized how cutting edge he’d been when we listened to this 2 min. talk by Dan Allender.  (check out the included link).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5aeegCuUAI

Our experience aligns with what Allender says.  Marriage is a blessing and a challenge.  John has shown me more of the care and sacrifice of heaven than anyone on earth I know and also caused me the deepest pain I’ve experienced (seeing the reality of both my own shortcomings and his) as close-up, real-life relationships do.  It is the inevitable outcome as we flesh out this day-to-day, nitty gritty living.  At 38+ years together now, we’ve still got a lot to learn and we are leaning in and attempting to keep growing together. 

I’d also like to share a recent epiphany; perhaps it will be helpful to someone besides me.   Not long ago I had something occur that shook me to the core.  It was one of those “run to someone” moments that we all face sometimes, and I instinctively thought “To whom will I go?”  The answer was clearly John. 

He is a steady ship in my life.  He doesn’t rattle easily, and the things that press my buttons seem to never tip him off balance in the least.  There have been numerous times when he’s evened the waters of the moment I was in because he didn’t panic about whatever I was pretty sure would swallow me alive.  There are other parts of him that I struggle with, where he doesn’t easily respond to things that are important to me.  And what I realized, that I’d never seen before, is that those two things are two sides of the same coin, two parts of one element of his personality.  He is a very stable presence where things can roll off his back.  And sometimes the things I need him to understand roll off too. 

It was a significant gift to get a glimpse that the things I struggle with about him are of the same fiber as the things that bless me continually.  And I wondered how many other starry-eyed couples begin their life blissfully and then begin to run into the walls of the flip side of the coin of their spouse.  How many of us have mistaken the negative as an insurmountable problem when it was a part of the same wiring that most attracted us to our partner?  It’s worth thinking about. 

So there you go, just food for thought for this Monday morning. I will celebrate my husband today, I will give thanks for all the ways he blesses my life, the lives of our children, our friends, our community.  I will thank God for making him in a way that is resilient and pours out care to so many in his utterly dependable ways.  He tends to the practical needs of those around him more than anyone I’ve ever known.  And I will pray that we will both continue be shaped into better and more God-infused versions of ourselves as we live forward, loving, caring, and being stretched.  He’s a good man.  Happy birthday, John!